The 7 Best Things a Grown Man Can Do 15 Minutes from O’Hare

You’re flying into Chicago and meeting someone at the O’Hare Hilton for two hours then flying back home. There’s three hours between the end of your meeting and the earliest boarding for your flight. Maybe you don’t have time to get all the way to the Magnificent Mile, but there’s some magnificent things to do just five minutes from the airport.

Here’s seven:

Muvico—O’Hare isn’t in Chicago, it’s actually in a little place we like to call Rosemont and they recently built one of the most luxurious theaters in the country: Muvico’s Rosemont 18. The first theater in the US with all digital screens, Muvico uses Sony’s 4K hi-def projectors. But what really sets them apart is their VIP balconies. The second floor of the theater is reserved for adults. Same awesome screen, less texting. Better, the second floor theaters surround Bogarts, a 5 star restaurant and bar that delivers food and booze to your extra wide nearly private seats during the movie. The VIP crowd gets free valet parking and popcorn.
[Muvico; 9701 Bryn Mawr, Rosemont; (847) 447–1030 muvico.com]

Hala Kahiki—They’re not kidding around at Hala Kahiki when it comes to their Tiki theme: torches, leis, wooden Tiki gods, and a lot of frond. They must have nine million drinks that start with pineapple and coconut.  This is not so much a destination club or a theme bar as it is an acid trip without the acid.  You go here after the meeting, not before. It’s a fourth date place. I won’t lie to you, the drinks are light on booze and heavy on sugar and the only food is pretzels. Stale pretzels. But there’s a weird Fear & Loathing kind of charm that draws you in and makes you not give a rat’s ass that the drinks are cheap or the guys in Armani suits way, way in the back are wearing sunglasses. In the dark. You’ll feel like an extra from Mad Men and you’ll be singing Bali Hai by your third Planters Punch.
[Hala Kahiki, 2834 River Road, River Grove; (708) 456–3222]

Super Dawg—Chicago’s premiere hot dog stand with its iconic Mr. & Mrs. Wiener statues gazing out over the city from their rooftop home in Jefferson Park. It’s a drive-up not a drive-through. Girls bring Chicago style hot dogs, burgers, crinkle-cut fries, and square ice cream on a tray they hang off your window glass. The drive-up waitresses don’t normally wear roller skates, but the atmosphere is unmistakably American Graffiti.
[Superdawg Drive-In, 6363 N Milwaukee Ave, Chicago? — (773) 763–0660]

Gibsons—Guarantee you’ll sleep through your flight by working your way through one of Gibson’s world famous steaks.  They dry age these babies then bring them to your table on ice so you can eyeball your meat. Old school drinks, live jazz, and you might rub shoulders with some big shoulders if you know what I mean. Take out a loan, this place ain’t cheap. The steak alone will set you back 45 bucks—but you get what you pay for. A divine red meat experience.
[Gibsons Bar & Steak House, 5464 N River Rd, Rosemont — (847) 928–9900 ]

Cigar King—More than a cigar shop, the King is a luxurious man cave with two walk-in humidors (one is private), a flotilla of deep leather chairs, two flat screen TVs, a pool table, an impressive collection of fine watches and pens, and a staff that are sommeliers de fumar. Parking is cheap on the street and free in the nearby lot. Besides the cigars (and hookahs, and pipes, and cigarettes) the King offers something no other cigar lounge can really deliver: you are almost guaranteed to have a good conversation. With local writers, radio jocks, musicians, and opera singers (no kidding), and one of the most well-read cigar sellers (we’re talking about you, Larry) on premises, you’ll have to try not to fall into a memorable conversation.
[ Cigar King, 8016 Lincoln Ave, Skokie, IL,  (847) 675–2447 ]

Mario’s—One of the last old school shave and haircut joints. You won’t be getting a layer cut by some arm akimbo beauty school drop-out a’la Supercuts. You’ll get bad jokes, bad television, old magazines, and a guy who shaves over your ear with a straight razor while he talks about what a bunch of losers the Cubs are this year. (Yes, it does make you nervous to mention how much you loved the Socks in the Series in ’05…) Call ahead and schedule a hot shave. This is the classic American scrape: face piled high in a turban of steaming hot towels, vigorously massaged with something akin to Skin Bracer mixed with Kerosene,  and a studious, lifelong devotion to the straight razor applied with a steady hand from Adam’s apple to eyeballs.
[Mario’s Barber Shop, 1017 N Northwest Hwy, Park Ridge, IL- (847) 825–9855 ]

Hats Plus—A good shave deserve a great lid. We’re not talking a one-size-fits-all trucker’s cap. We mean a serious, perfectly blocked Biltmore Eleganza Pork Pie or a nice Stetson Fedora. The guys at Hats Plus will walk you through getting the right lid for your mug, then send you to the basement where they’ll fit it to your skull. While you grope through seven miles of awesome hats, you’ll be surrounded by all hardcore sombrerophiles, tattooed rock singers in fitted Homburgs,  silver-haired captains of industry trying on a Beaver Fur Bowler, and the local pool hall hustler looking for a new Kangol. The aisles are narrow and the clientele is determined and busy. Don’t be intimidated. Take your time. Ask a lot of questions. Try on a lot of hats. Remember the old saw: clothes make the man? The hat makes the clothes, jack. Choose wisely.
[Hats Plus, Ltd. 4706 W. Irving Park Road, Chicago — (773) 286–5577 ]

Chris Garlington and Sgt. David Haynes are the authors of  The beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago Eats, available at fine bookstores everywhere (after October). They also host The Dave & Chris Show!