From wherever the Huffington Post stole it:

A man in Buffalo Grove was hospitalized Tuesday after allegedly stumbling upon a refrigerated beer trailer in the Chicago suburb and — thinking he was in heaven — proceeding to get “extremely intoxicated.”

TribLocal reports that the beer trailer belonged to the Schwaben Verein German heritage club, and

Mother's milk.

contained taps on the truck’s exterior. The 46-year-old man from nearby Deerfield allegedly grabbed a pitcher and began drinking from the truck.

Around noon, someone called police to report that an intoxicated man was drinking behind a building, and he was taken to a nearby hospital by paramedics,Buffalo Grove Patch reports.

When speaking with police, the man allegedly said he did not think he had done anything wrong and that he “thought he had died and gone to heaven” when discovering the “free beer truck,” TribLocal reports.

No charges were filed in the incident.

Why are we outraged? Because he didn’t call us.

ROSWELL, N.M. — A New Mexico woman faces charges after police say she put an ad on Craigslist looking to buy drugs.

Roswell police arrested Anamicka Dave, 29, this week after officers posing as sellers arranged to meet her through text messages.

Dave’s ad on Craigslist’s “casual encounters” section said she was new to town and “looking for Mary Jane,” KOB-TV reported (http://bit.ly/pe2HY2).

Roswell Police Sgt. Ty Sharpe said the ad was so blatant, he had to make sure it wasn’t posted by another undercover officer.

“I was really surprised that someone would actually put on there they were looking for weed — an actually illegal product — to the fact that I called my boss to make sure it wasn’t one of our guys trying to do a reverse sting,” Sharpe told the station.

Police met the Albuquerque woman in a parking lot and then arrested her.

It was unclear if Dave had an attorney, and a message left at a phone listing for her wasn’t immediately returned Wednesday.

DANVERS, Mass. — A Massachusetts family got the Halloween scare of a lifetime by getting lost inside a dark and creepy Salem-area corn maze and had to call 911 for rescue.

Danvers police say they got a call of distress from a mother of two about 6:32 p.m. Monday. The woman alerted the 911 operator of their situation in the Connors Farm in Danvers, a short distance from Salem.

A voice recording of the 911 call was made available to the media on Wednesday. The exchange:

Woman: “Hi, I just called. I’m still stuck at Connors Farms. I don’t see anybody. I am really scared. It’s really dark and we’ve got a 3-week-old baby with us.”

Dispatcher: “Just relax. Calm down. Your husband is with you right?”

Woman: “Yes, but my baby?”

Dispatcher: “OK. I understand and the police officer is on the way.”

Woman: “We thought this would be fun. Instead it’s a nightmare. I don’t know what made us do this. It was daytime when we came in. And I never take my daughter out. This is the first time. Never again.”

The family’s harrowing journey was first reported by The Danvers Herald and picked up nationwide.

Farm owner Bob Connors said Wednesday his maze on seven acres was created so that people would get lost in its towering stalks. The maze, in the shape of a headless horseman with the words “Salem Village” and “Danvers, Ma.” carved out, can take up to an hour to navigate, Connors told msnbc.com.

Connors said it was a busy day and he left the farm and his farm manager about 6:20 p.m. Monday, only to return a short time later. Connors said he received a phone call from a friend who told him about police squad cars at the family farm at 30 Valley Road.

“People like to take their time and we don’t like to rush people out of the maze,” Connors said. “We like to give people their money’s worth.”

He said a Danvers police with a tracking dog quickly plunged into the depths of the maze with a farm manager to search for the disoriented dad, mom and two young kids.

Within a minute or so upon arrival, the police officer located the family. The family didn’t realize they had almost made their way out; they were just 25 feet from the street, Connors said.

“Usually we see smiles coming out of the maze,” he said. “I could understand the family’s  concern, because they had a little one with them. And I’m sure they won’t be the last family who gets lost in there.”

Said Connors: “I have a funny feeling it’s going to be a real busy season.”

BUFFALO, N.Y. — State police say a man’s effort to ditch some drugs from a moving car in western New York didn’t exactly go as planned.
Stampede!

Troopers with the state police Thruway detail say 20-year-old Sean Schmidt was standing with his upper body sticking out the sunroof of a vehicle traveling on Interstate 190 in Buffalo late Monday night.

When a trooper following in a state police cruiser activated the car lights to pull the other vehicle over, Schmidt threw a small bag of marijuana, which landed on the hood of the trooper’s car.

Well, I couldn't find a bat then, could I?

Associated Press reports a Utah man faces an animal cruelty charge after a Facebook video surfaced showing him eating what appeared to be a live baby rat.

Thirty-one-year-old Andy Ray Harris of Tooele was charged with the misdemeanor in April after authorities viewed the video.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals reported it to police.

The video shows a man putting what appears to be a tiny, hairless rat in his mouth, chewing it up and swallowing it. Harris has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

Police are investigating a bizarre incident at a Radnor, Pa., store, according to the Radnor Patch.
Stampede!

C’mon — what’s not to like?

Hoof it over to Facebook to join the weird news herd.

The Patch reports that on June 5 an employee at the Bed, Bath & Beyond in Radnor Township found a white trash bag containing an estimated 35 pounds of apparently human vomit near the store’s parking lot.

The employee said the bag was placed 10 parking rows from the store behind a tree, according to the Patch.

The employee also said that another bag with vomit was found in the same spot a week before.

In his mind.

Fayette County, Ind.— A 21-year-old Amish man is accused of trying to pick up a 12-year-old while in his buggy.

According to the 12-year-old’s parents, Willard Yoder kept sending weird messages to their daughter’s phone. They said Willard was sending sexual messages, pictures and videos. He said he wanted to meet the girl. The parents called Connsersville police at that point.

“The suspect asked for pictures, he gave pictures, he gave videos and wanted it to go back and fourth. Finally, he wanted to meet,” said Detective Craig Pennington with Connersville Police.

Topics Indiana Police set up a sting operation. They told Yoder to meet at a restaurant in Milroy, Indiana.

“The person who told us he would pull up in a horse and buggy, actually pulled up in a horse and buggy. We’ve never done anything like that before, that was new to everyone there and we had quite a bit of experience there at that scene,” said Pennington.

Is that a full moon?

BOULDER, Colo. — Police in Colorado say a woman who stepped inside a portable toilet at a yoga festival discovered a man hiding in the tank below when she lifted the toilet lid. Stampede!

Boulder police spokeswoman Kim Kobel says the woman told authorities she noticed something moving inside the tank and asked a man to check it out.

The man reported seeing someone covered in a tarp inside the tank. A festival security supervisor said the suspect eventually emerged from the toilet — covered in human waste — and slipped away. (Who’s going to chase him?)

Police say the suspect is thought to be in his 20s and is being sought on charges of criminal attempt to make unlawful sexual contact.

It used to hang off the hip of one Al Capone. And now it’s for sale. One day too late. I swear, if my family had known this gun was for sale for father’s day, I’m CERTAIN they would’ve dropped the 80 to 100K it’s going to go for at Christies instead of the zilch dollars they spent on the nothing I got.

But that’s not all, you also get:

A LETTER FROM MADELEINE CAPONE MORICHETTI TO EDMUND ‘EDDIE’ KOESKI WRITTEN IN 1976 AFTER RALPH’S DEATH IS ALSO INCLUDED IN THE LOT. IN THE LETTER MADELEINE CONFIRMS IT WAS RALPH’S WISH THAT THE REVOLVER WAS PASSED TO EDDIE. IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH MADELEINE CONFIRMS THE SERIAL NUMBER AND STATES “… A GUN WHICH PREVIOUSLY BELONGED TO AND WAS USED ONLY BY AL CAPONE WHILE HE WAS ALIVE”.

Who could ask for anything more?