7 Most Depressing Songs

Chris considers himself a music snob. I on the other hand don’t frankly care whether the musician has a deeper meaning on the way we are all arranged in the cosmos. That being said, I do realize that music can sometimes have a profound effect on people. For instance when Chris hears “The Unicorn” it makes him think of Llamas.

So while Chris is off on a secret government project to track the platypus migratory pattern in the pacific northwest, and it is snowing in Chicago, (snowing in April, Goddammit!) I decided to follow a sacred tradition of Chris. Chris told me that his church teaches that on the 18th of any month that the smelt fails to run, when snow is falling, a 7 best must be posted on the internet. In that spirit I ask you, faithful readers, what are the 7 most depressing songs? My list is below. Can you think of others? Better ones?

1. “Everybody Knows” Leonard Cohen version
01 Everybody Knows

2. “I Hope They Get to Me In Time” Darius Rucker
10 I Hope They Get to Me in Time

3. “Hurt” Johnny Cash version
Johnny Cash — Hurt

4. “Waltzing Matilda” Tom Waits version
Tom Waits — Waltzing Matilda

5. “How to Disappear Completely” Radiohead
File was to big to insert.

6. “Sleepwalk” Santo and Johnny
Santos and Johnny — Sleepwalk Extended Version

7. “Yesterday” The Beatles
John Lennon & Paul McCartney — Yesterday

The 7 Best Tacos in Chicago

We’re at it again, stirring up trouble and whetting your appetite with a 7 Best series. This time, tacos.

With one of the largest Mexican populations in the U.S., Chicago’s got taco stands, taco carts, taquerias, Mexican restaurants serving tacos, and all varieties of places to get a taco; also taco. (Taco.)

But who makes the best tacos in Chicago? Is it Taco Burrito King? Is it Tio Louis? Is it taco Bell? (No, it is not Taco Bell). It’s been a long time since Chicago Tacos were rated (Tribune, 2006) and it’s about time they’re rated again—and this time by experts (that means you guys).

Of course, being that The Beat Cop’s Guide is a recognized authority on street food, ethnic cuisine, grease, and women’s championship nude volleyball, we’ve got to establish some ground rules for what makes for a great taco stand.

  1. It’s not a chain. Usually this goes without saying, but some chains in Chicago are quite regional and hard to spot. For instance, my favorite taco joint (which will remain unnamed in order to not influence the contest), is part of a small chain of taquerias run from a central mothership-taqueria which beams ground meat and tortillas to taco pods throughout the city. (Same reason we couldn’t put Portillos in the book).
  2. It’s not fancy. Look, I love Lalo’s like everyone else, but clearly they’ve got the upper hand on any small-time taco joint within a two mile radius. It just isn’t fair. They have margarita glasses you can take a bath in; they have waiters; they have a band. That’s upscale. We’re talking about a place where you can pull over and walk in in your oil stained coveralls and get a taco and not get the hairy eyeball glare of class distinction.
  3. There’re Mexicans. How do you know you’re in a good Sushi bar? Japanese people eat there. How do you know a good taqueria? Mexicans. There are a few distinctions about our Mexican brothers here in Chicago that are fair to make, chiefly in the area of employment. Most of the most successful kitchens and landscaping companies are run by Mexicans.  You like the delicious, authentic French food at Cafe Touche in Edison Park? Thank a Mexican. If you happen to find a taqueria with three yard trucks parked in front of it and no one’s pulling weeds, you can bet your bistek it’s serving really good, really authentic Mexicana grub.
  4. They make their own.. . Salsa, queso blanca, chorizo,  and/or tortillas. Yeah. Queso blanca. Wisconsin has gotten us to believe cheese making is a highly precise, extremely temperature dependent art that, performed by amateurs, results in bubonic plague or tourette’s syndrom; but cheesemaking is something that happens all over latino communities (and Greek, and Italian) and the cheese they make is that deliciously creamy, white, queso blanca. Making cheese is easy. You can do it on your stove. And some little taquerias do exactly that. I’m not saying which ones, I’m just saying. Same goes for chorizo, which is just really good, really spicy, oily sausage. And tortillas which are just made out of fresh. .. tortillas. And salsa, for the love of all things holy, salsa is and should be a silent competition on par with the world cup. I know places where their homemade  salsa is so fresh, so piquant, so damn delicious you can drink it straight (if you want to cauterize your tongue).

So let us know: Who makes the best taco in Chicago and why.

7 Best Places to get Italian Lemonade

Cast your votes. Being Chicago, you can cast more than one, and being Chicago, I’ll count them any way I want. We want to find what are the 7 best Italian Lemonade stands.  I’d like to find some on the Northwest side myself, because I think we live in a Italian Lemonade “desert” up here. If you can’t remember the name, tell us the location and Chris and I will go sample.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.1—Serelli’s!

Serrelli’s
6454 West North Avenue
(773) 745–3888?

The number 1 choice of the Beat Cop’s Guide readers, as well as your two humble authors, is Serelli’s.

A staple of Chicago’s far west side for generations, Serelli’s is the typical Italian grocery we talked anout in our Tony’s entry. In addition to being a neighbor grocery, Serelli’s also has the best beef in the city. The way I’ve always liked it best was to buy it by the pound and heat it up myself at home. It’s an instant party, even when your fellow partyers are a wife, three little kids, and a loud dog.

Serelli’s is the perfect blend of taste and ambiance. The beef is always cooked properly, and the gravy is just right, not overpowering or watery.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.2—Paterno’s!


Paterno’s
5303 N Milwaukee Ave
(773) 631–5522
www.paternopizza.com

Some people might accuse the Beat Cop’s Guide of being a little biased when it comes to Paterno’s. After all, it’s a neighborhood place, Paul Paterno is a great guy, and the bar doesn’t overcharge the beer or underpour the scotch.

What’s great about Paterno’s is that everything is homemade. I think this includes the gravy in the beef sandwiches, which has a more peppery flavor than some others I’ve had.

The sandwich is called the ”Incredible” and incredible it is. The bread is always fresh, and so are the peppers. At Paterno’s, I get the beef a little less wet than is my usual, because the bread is so good, and I don’t want the gravy to overpower it. Although it’s a bar, many families go to Paterno’s and eat in the simple dining room.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.3—Buona Beef!

Buona Beef
7025 W. North Avenue
(and other locations)
(708) 383–1800

http://www.buona.com


The Beat Cop’s Guide does not cover chain restaurants (normally) but for Buona Beef, we’ll make an exception. Partly because we got a lot of votes for the Buona Beef sandwich; partly because … it’s really good.

Sticking to the theme that defines the Top 7, Buona’s serves very tasty beef, with good dippage, and fresh peppers. What makes Buona just a touch better than the bottom four of the top seven is the intangibles. The service is good, the restaurants, especially the North Avenue location, are clean and the people that work there are nice and polite. The cost is comparable to places in the neighborhood, and haven’t been jacked up because they have a good reputation.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.4—Al’s Beef!

Al’s #1 Italian Beef
1079 West Taylor St.
630-858-9121

Al’s invented beef. I know it, and I respect it. However, it doesn’t mean they are the best. I will go so far to say that Al’s would have fallen just out of the top 7 if it hadn’t been for its location and its storied history.

Al’s has good beef. They also have good peppers, perfectly prepared; and they are masters at the art of the dip. But they’ve fallen into the trap of many successful businesses: they’re resting on their laurels. The sandwiches are just too small for the price. If you’re holding a  proper beef sandwich, you should not be able to touch the edges of the bun together without at least five minutes of eating. Al’s buns are touching when you unwrap it.

Al, if you’re listening; go for the top spot again! Stop skimping! Fill the buns.

I have a dream of the day we can once again walk along Taylor street, get a giant beef sandwich that leaves barely enough room for the fantastic Italian Lemonade across the street.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.5—Tore’s Beef!

Tore’s Beef & Pizza
2804 N Western Ave
Chicago, IL 60618
773-486-2600

OK. .. OK, I know: I’m falling behind; but I was eating beef sandwiches! Number 5 is Tore’s beef. Tore’s is not really well known for its beef, and I was surprised to see it mentioned in the Facebook argument*. But they are very good, and Tore’s has it all, good location, good beef, good service—and dipping skills.

When we order it for the district desk, the beef is still hot by the time we get it. When you ask for extra juicy they dip it good and wrap it twice. The peppers are always right. I generally get sweet, and they are firm, but not overripe.

Tore’s has a menu that includes all of your other hot dog stand items, but they don’t forget about the quality of the beef.

Tore’s is located at Elston and Western, which is convenient if you live anywhere from downtown to the northwest side. Location does count in ranking your lunchtime fare, because if you have to leave your district for lunch, the food better be worth the risk.

* This series started as a simple question we posted on our Facebook page.. .

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.6—Tony’s Deli!

Tony’s Deli
6708 Northwest Hwy.
Chicago, IL 60631
(773) 631–0055
www.tonysdeliandsubs.com

Tony’s is an old Italian style grocery store. The deli counter in back makes great subs and even better beef. I love places like this, and in Chicago, some of the best Italian, Mexican, and Polish food is not found in restaurants, but in the back of ethnic grocery stores. The next time you’re driving past one of these places on your way to Dominick’s, stop in and check it out.

Tony’s make its beef right there in the store, and serves it up in three sizes. They will make it dry or wet, but the beef is always perfectly cooked, juicy and tender. I don’t think they make the bread there, but it’s always so fresh that it seems as if it was made about five minutes before you pick it up. The giardiniera is home-made and fantastic.

I will admit that when you get to this level of food tastiness, the smallest things can separate number 1 from number 7. Things like presentation, ambiance, and history come into play. The ambiance at Tony’s is striking. It seems to me (never having been to Italy) what a real Italian grocery is like. Also, I’ve never had bad food there, and I’ve lived in this neighborhood nearly two decades. Lastly, after you finish your sandwich, you can get homemade cannoli and anise cookies, which are fantastic.

The Beat Cop’s Guide to Chicago’s 7 Best Italian Beef Sandwiches!

No.7—Max’s Italian Beef!

Max’s Italian Beef
5754 North Western Avenue
Chicago, IL 60659–5114
(773) 989–8200
www.roadfood.com

Just about all decent beef places start with the same beef. Thinly sliced, perfectly cooked, and yummy. What separates the best from the rest is what they do beyond the beef; the bread, the juice, the peppers, and even the ambiance of the place.

Max’s goes that extra mile. The juice is peppery and sticks to the sandwich. The bread is fresh and the proper length and it comes with a very generous portion of meat. At Max’s they have also mastered the art of the dip. They really understand the difference between “dry,” “dipped,” and “extra juicy.”

Over the years, Max’s has improved on the ambiance, but there is still has hardly any seats, and it is located across the street from Rosehill Cemetery, so the view consists of a fence and graves.

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