Cop Cracks Up by Cracking Down on KFC Clerk’s Chicken Cap

An Arizona cop, on leave following a head injury from a motorcycle accident, recently had some trouble with his order at KFC. They were out of the chicken he wanted, and followed store policy by offering him an alternative and a voucher instead of a refund.

Here’s police Lt. Michael Graham’s summary of what happened next:

“The thing that I’m proud of: I didn’t lose my temper. I didn’t raise my voice. This isn’t worth it,” he says.

But if this is what not losing your temper looks like, I’ve been doing it all wrong. The manager’s version:

“He told me, ‘Look, fat a–, I don’t want to talk. Just give me my money or I’m taking you to jail. Do you know who I am?’” [KFC worker] Tavi Padilla told other Williams police officers via a written statement….

“He told me that he was the police lieutenant and told me I had to give him his money back. I said that whether he’s the president of the United States or just a regular person, I can’t give him his money back,” [19-year-old manager Corey] Fritsinger said….

“He asked me how old I was and said he was going to take me to jail personally,” he said. “He said, ‘I’m putting you in the back of my car.’”

By Graham’s own account, he later referred to some lower-ranking officers who showed up on the scene as ”lazy fucks.” And records from police dispatch have Graham calling in with this: “I’ve got a problem with the manager. I’m going to take him for fraudulent activity, so I need a car.”

To their immense credit, the Williams, Arizona, police department seems to have done the right thing here—suspending the officer immediately, going to his house with a warrant to retrieve his badge and gun, conducting a disciplinary hearing promptly, and then firing him.

(stolen from: http://reason.com/blog/2010/08/30/cop-congratulates-self-on-rest)

Cops Cuff Candy Burglar’s Sweet Tooth

There's nothing in these brownies.GONZALES, La. –  Police arrested the suspected ‘Brownie Bandit,’ a man accused of repeatedly breaking into a bakery, stealing freshly baked brownies and leaving behind crumbs and broken windows. Gonzales police said Jamon J. Simoneaux, 18, had a bag full of brownies when he was arrested Thursday in Jumonville’s Bakery.

Bakery owner Lynn Jumonville told The Advocate he called police after the cost of broken windows and screens began to mount. He said the burglar would break in about 8:30 or 9 p.m.

Police booked Simoneaux on six counts of simple burglary and four of simple criminal damage to property.

Lynn and wife Pat Jumonville estimate that he took about 12 dozen brownies and about two dozen sugar cookies.

Simoneaux remained in the Ascension Parish jail Saturday and it was not clear whether he had an attorney. Bond was set at at $90,000.

Paris Hilton arrested for drug charges? Please, this chick is freaky rich and if she wants some cocaine, she just sends her cocaine assistant out for it.

However, we do all hope this gives her an idea for her next movie: Girl Prison!

Which side?

Thwarter Thwarted

[From The Customer is Not Always Right]

Movie Theater | Rochester, NY, USA

(A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.)

Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”

(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”

Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”

Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”

(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)

Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”

(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)

Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”

(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)

Me: “What was that you showed her?”

Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”

Opossum not Playing Possum, Just Embarassed/

[Original from:]
March 26, 2010
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Police said a man will be charged with public drunkenness after a witnesses saw him attempting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on a road-killed opossum.

State police said they charged Donald Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, Jefferson County, after they arrived at the scene on Route 36 in Oliver Township around 3 p.m. Thursday.

Trooper Jamie Levier said several witnesses saw Mr. Wolfe near the animal. The trooper said one person saw Mr. Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance, while another saw the mouth-to-mouth attempt.

Trooper Levier said Wolfe was “extremely intoxicated” and ”did have his mouth in the area of the animal’s mouth, I guess.”

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10085/1045894–100.stm#ixzz0jUWeQZji

The Dave and Chris Show on Chi…

The Dave and Chris Show on ChicagoTalkRadioNet will air 04/23. http://tobtr.com/s/973830 #BlogTalkRadio

Passers-by call Colo. police over topless gardener

BOULDER, Colo. – A nudist in Boulder who was threatened with eviction last spring for gardening outside wearing only pasties and a thong has caused another stir by gardening topless. At least four callers told police 52-year-old Catharine Pierce was in her yard topless on Wednesday. State law prohibits exposed genitals, but Pierce was wearing a thong and gardening gloves.

Police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said an officer told Pierce to consider wearing a shirt because children at the school across the street were playing outside.

Pierce’s husband then complained to police. Huntley said a police supervisor agreed with Pierce’s husband that Pierce wasn’t breaking any laws.

Boulder is considering expanding its anti-nudity law.

___

Information from: Daily Camera, http://www.dailycamera.com/

Intruder breaks into apartment, crawls into bed with resident

Thursday, March 18, 2010
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

A Mount Washington man was sleeping in his apartment early Wednesday when he felt someone get into bed with him.

Figuring it was his girlfriend, he called out her name.

A deep male voice replied, “No it’s not.”

The unidentified resident jumped out of bed and called 911 as he held the intruder at bay with an aluminum baseball bat.

Police arriving around 5:30 a.m. found doors to the apartment building in the 100 block of Sycamore Street and to the victim’s unit had been forced open.

They took Michael Karanja Kamau, 33, of Cranberry, into custody. The suspect told them he was cold and wanted to get inside to get warm.

Police, in a news release, said Mr. Kamau was intoxicated but not to the point that he didn’t understand what was going on.

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10077/1043708–53.stm#ixzz0igXjpQQA

The Dave and Chris Show on Chi…

The Dave and Chris Show on ChicagoTalkRadioNet will air 04/09. http://tobtr.com/s/953544 #BlogTalkRadio

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